How Can Parents Help Their Children Achieve High Congruence

Q. How can parents help their children achieve high congruence?

A. Forcing them to be independent           B. Giving them unconditional love

C. Not allowing them to use their defense mechanisms          D. Pointing out their mistakes

Answer: B. Giving them unconditional love

Explanation: High congruence leads to a greater sense of self-worth and a healthy, productive life. Parents can help their children achieve this by giving them unconditional positive regard, or unconditional love. According to Rogers (1980), “As persons are accepted and prized, they tend to develop a more caring attitude towards themselves”. Conversely, when there is a great discrepancy between our ideal and actual selves, we experience a state Rogers called incongruence, which can lead to maladjustment. Both Rogers’s and Maslow’s theories focus on individual choices and do not believe that biology is deterministic.


Love: Love is a mutual respect and understanding. It is the ability to accept another person and allow your heart to feel them. Having love for someone means that you would go the extra mile for them, and would never mistreat them. You want that person to succeed and grow. It makes you happy to see them prosper.

Compassion: Compassion is a burning, deep, mutual knowledge of what another person is going through. Much like its sister, empathy, compassion is when your heart breaks when someone you love is hurting. It is the feeling of joy when you see a loved one elated. When you put love and compassion together, it is empowering.

Productivity: Having someone in your corner, with a deep love and compassion for you makes you want to do better. The feeling of someone else’s powerful heart can drive us to be more creative, more driven, and more focused. It is an invaluable force that pushes us and helps us to succeed.

Having someone say the words, “I love you”, can be a new beginning for you. It is an understanding of someone else’s perception of you. It blooms your self-worth, your understanding of your self-worth, and it just makes you feel good.


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